<robot_touch> My town was too poor to have a priest.  Our nun had to use a strap-on.

<Fox_Alan> when you have to resort to using pickup lines from bash.org things are bad :)
<Borlath_Mon> Yeah, but nobody I know over here READS bash.org - I read a bit before I go out, and I'm the life of the party. Telling jokes, making fun of things...
<Borlath_Mon> Of course, I -did- get into a bit of trouble when I went to the Black Pride thing.
<Borlath_Mon> That antique farm equipment joke didn't go down too well.

<x[conco]> morning
<ChrisFlugel> I just had dinner
<ChrisFlugel> still feels like morning
<ChrisFlugel> maybe because I havent wacked off yet today

jared 33 ghs 02: i heard possibly the most racial remark the other night at a restaurant
The Magma Hawk: ?
jared 33 ghs 02: an old jewish lady was lecturing my friend who was waitressing about the two tattoos she has and how its not good for her body and a drunk was listening and finally had enough and said "hey old lady, shut up, ur just jealous u got ur tattoo for free"
The Magma Hawk: buahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha
The Magma Hawk: that's what she gets for preaching
jared 33 ghs 02: everyones jaw dropped and there was silence, and then he just turned around and continued talking to his friends or whatever

[continued below...]

<aer> I don't like pamela anderson type breasts
<xf> Their remote controls are annoying and not well documented.

<Digby> what if the man empirically measure them ? ;)
<Digby> length, girth, tensile strength, and volume ;)
<_Matty> volume?? "hey, baby, i've got a loud cock" ??
<_Matty> wtf?
<Tig`One> "hey babe wanna hear my cock shout?"
<^Dozy^> that'd be an impressive chat up line
<Guede> Brings new meaning to pump up the volume.

<aen> I look somewhat akin to a pensive crackwhore waiting for cock suckage, vexed that it hasn't come to pass.

<LkTrout1> enex's underwear is big enough to fit over Hatter's ego.

BeHeMoTh101 : dude, this one time in school i was looking at this advertisement to a christian club
BeHeMoTh101 : and on the poster it said "who carries your load? jesus does."
BeHeMoTh101 : and i was like, wtf it's the scrotum

<DaveCBio> Man, if drama could be harnassed as a power source the world
would be lit up forever

<Ivyshaur> No, we've been informed that listening to Rammstein is the best way to learn German.
<mrPants> You learn it very quick
<mrPants> The problem is that you only know how to talk about sodomy, canibalism, incest, and death
<granola> there are other things to talk about?
<mrPants> Not in germany

<dot> one sex
<dot> eek
<dot> sec
<dot> damn that typo
<Alexander> sure
<Waldo> paging doctor freud...
<Waldo> paging doctor freud...

<@Phae> we could get a hooker, and patch it with a gf crack... then it'd be free,a nd you wouldn't have to register it

(niles) just uncomment #UseBlackMarketBabySales yes in /etc/ssh/sshd_config

<TuorSirfalas> I tried using my sis's G5 powerbook or something
<Cloud02> she has a mac? poor thing.
<TuorSirfalas> she bought it for the logo
<TuorSirfalas> her words, not mine

<marcus> can you make a cisco route packets based on their source address?
<Jon2> marcus: yes.  policy-based routing
<FlashMan> marcus - yes, using policy routing
<RoadRuner> marcus: yes. policy routing
<marcus> anyone else?
<drifter-> marcus: yes. policy routing

<[SS]Psyco|PB> The Magic 8-Ball has been ACTIVATED, Type !8ball <question> to use. ×Tracer Script×
<[1CH]Gypsy|Occupied> !8ball will I get high tonight...
<[SS]Psyco|PB> [1CH]Gypsy|Occupied, ( YES!!!!! )
<[1CH]Gypsy|Occupied> FUCKIN' RIGHTS!
<[1CH]Gypsy|Occupied> sweet..
<[1CH]Gypsy|Occupied> at least I can stop worrying..

<X2> [AlekaiTalon] Uh-oh, watch out ladies, Alekai Talon is in the house
<Tyr> yea ladies, watch out
<Tyr> he might steal ur men :p

<@WSBN-MeBaD> Why doesn't Osama bin Laden have sex with his five wives?
<@WSBN-MeBaD> Because every time he spreads their legs he sees Bush.

<isocat> i tripped a couple summers ago and had a 'jerry' trip sort of, he had just died and i listened to some dead and tried to summon his spirit

<Lailoken> On Cinemax tonight they're showing Shrek from 11:00 to 12:30 and then Best Sex Ever from 12:30 to 1:00.
<Lailoken> Somewhere in America parents leave their child to go to a dinner party, "Here honey, you just watch Shrek and we'll be home some time after midnight."

<hh> have u ever fucked nickelodean gak?
<hh> i have
<hh> its awesome
<hh> i call it masturbation goo

<Metalcore> works now, though
<Metalcore> it's just because I have shitty internet
<Metalcore> fast as hell
<Metalcore> but stable as a refrigerator balanced on a coke bottle
<Metalcore> in hurricane force winds
<Metalcore> on a 45 degree slope
<Metalcore> of teflon

<D1> today, I started the supermodel diet.
<maff> that must be a step up from the all sperm diet you were on

<+Toba> heh, you can chmod a file to 007
<+Toba> license to be killed

e l i t e m r p: afk, working on my invention
n e r d b 5: invention.....uhm, whats it do?
e l i t e m r p: converts piss into drinking water
e l i t e m r p: so far, still tastes yucky

<Moogle> Yeah, I took our first time when the condom broke to be a sign for me to keep it in my pants
<Gau> Was she on the pill?
<Moogle> nope
<Gau> man.. I would have donkey-punched her out cold and douched for 3 straight hours!
<Moogle> Douching actually makes it worse.
<Gau> Not if you do it with 12 mole per litre HCl
<Moogle> hoh!

<BalkanEmperorGlaug> Another flight attendant's comment on a less than perfect landing: "We ask  you to please remain seated as Captain Kangaroo bounces us to the terminal."
<Schroe[Sleepies]> On my first flight ever, the captain came on over the intercom -
<Schroe[Sleepies]> "We aren't really a flight crew ... but we did stay at a Holiday Inn Express!"
<mike> :P
<mike> i wanna be a pilot
<mike> then i can come over the intercom, "What's this button do...OH FUCKING SHIT!!"
<mike> then after panic ensues, "Just kidding!"
<Glaug-Eldare> "The weather at our destination is 50 degrees with some broken clouds, but we'll try to have them fixed before we arrive."
<Glaug-Eldare> Then you can get fired!
<Glaug-Eldare> =D
<mike> then i can get a job that's on the ground!
<Glaug-Eldare> And throw wrenches at planes' windows while they're taking off?
<mike> i was thinking more along the lines of programming

* Rask says AHEM extremely loudly.
* Blasphemy gives Rask a cough drop.
<Denise> SARS! :o
<Chickita_Banana> lol
* Denise passes out masks.
* Rask sticks it in his nose and says AHEM again.
<Chickita_Banana> a cough drop in your nose?
* Denise watches it shoot out of Rask's nose and hit Chickita in the face.
<Denise> Maybe it's a nose drop.
<Chickita_Banana> lol
* Chickita_Banana throws it at Denise
* Denise gets it lodged in her throat.
<Blasphemy> o.o
* Denise does the heimlich on herself.
<Blasphemy> Denise.
* Denise lives.
<Blasphemy> You're wierd.
* Denise spears Blasphemy.
* Denise drags him to her igloo.
* Chickita_Banana watches
<Blasphemy> Plz don't rape me >_< I'll do anything!

<MKDemon> my girlfriend has boobs.
<Kevyn> My girlfriend has boobs too.
<Kevyn> And by boobs, I meant "two balled up t-shirts stuffed up a pillowcase"
<Kevyn> ...And by girlfriend, I meant "pillow"
<Kevyn> In case you couldn't tell.
<Kevyn> No pun intended.

*** Jei-Dijitaru has quit IRC (Do we really need warnings that the lead in paint will kill you? Keep in mind that these people have already made a conscious decision to CONSUME PAINT.)

<Roxus> what's the longest a USB cable can run ?
<zengolfer> Roxus: depends on how much it trains and conditions

<N1k1tA> can't we just get along?
<tulkas> no
<tulkas> we can't
<Renegade> yeah that would suck
<N1k1tA> i hate you guys

<Bob> I was gonna join the army, until the war started

<LoKuanYu> I should drived around town with my notebook. I want to map out the "free" wireless spots.
<LoKuanYu> ^_^
<emc2serv> heh, theres an idea.
<loser\Away> war driving
<LoKuanYu> You never know when the government might be chasing after you and you need a quick access to the internet
<loser\Away> to tells us about it?
<emc2serv> lol
<LoKuanYu> lol

<eldee> boozie: yeh.. kizer has alot of hooch-pr0n.. he must have a subscription to penthouse ;>
<boozie> haha
<KiZeR> good lord
<eldee> penthouse == magazine for chicks who dont want to have fuck-scenes, and too ugly to be in playboy

* dbzfreak pokes javabie
* javabie fights back by talking javabieish
<@javabie> hy
<@javabie> how r u
<@javabie> asl
<@javabie> ??????????????????/??//?/?????????????
<@javabie> ?
<@javabie> ???????????///
<@dbzfreak> ..*DIES*

<Agent_grey> Scanner works! scanner wooooorrrkss!!
<artforz> how did you make it work?
<Agent_grey> its very very technical and scientific, involving the introduction of organic substance interfacing with its structural integrity
<Agent_grey> i whacked it really really hard

<UGPYitEarp> I think part of McDonalds employee training is a seminar called "dealing with the failure you call life"

* Wes *rimjob*
(Wes): er
* Wes *rimshot*

<copernicu> what are bad noises for hard drives to make?
* copernicu has quit IRC (Read error: 54 (Connection reset by peer))

<eGagz-Trevor`> i spilt weiner juice in my lap
<blue[2q]> WHAT?!
<eGagz-Trevor`> the stuff that comes out of those cans with those vienna weiners

<Hydric> packing sucks
<Hydric> i 'could' have it done in a day...but i'm not that motivated
<Hydric> hehe
<zoidberg> you gotta take drastic measures
<zoidberg> pack your computer, then you'll have nothing to do but finish packing

<Fuyutski> Canada has 32,200,000 people. :o
<Dami> And I am one of them. XD
<Fuyutski> America has 290,300,000
<Fuyutski> =o
<Dami> Fuyu: We're bigger, and we're on top. If this was prison, they'd be our BITCH.

<Setoshi> im sad
<Setoshi> how i wanted to download house season 1
<Setoshi> and i got the full house season 1
<Setoshi> what a fucking waste
<KN> rofl!!!!!!
<Setoshi> dude but i seriously got pissed
<Setoshi> i saw michelle's face I was like
<Setoshi> WTF IS THIS

<Jugernaut> CLICK CLICK BOOM
<Jugernaut> today is pop metal day
<kaleido> haha
<kaleido> i like to refer to it as 'aluminum music'
<kaleido> since its not as strong as metal
<kaleido> and it will eventually fold up and be thrown out

<pies> stop teh flaming !
<grandja> hahah! I hear you man!
<pcverden> Grandja I told u not to listen to those voices in your head. THEY ARE NOT THERE!!!!!
<cantona> No point saying that! He just thinks you are another one!

<daed> believe it or not, the robot on the cover of the queen album is real and he hates you.

<Velario> where the fucks john gone?
<My`Albanian`Ass> outside to piss in a bucket
<Velario> long piss
<My`Albanian`Ass> big bucket

<Kenji310> Crap shit, my teacher wants me to find out how dogfishes reproduce
<Wallon> Um, dogfish sex?
<Kenji310> yep
<Stryker> They do it doggie style.